I'm not sure what the limits on painkillers are but today I'm testing them. They are making me sleepy. Or at least I am sleepy. I'm writing this while waiting for the microwave at work. I originally wrote that I am waiting for the photocopier. I can't concentrate till I eat, but I can't eat till I get to the photocopier.
Today, as well as dozy and dizzy I am mostly overwhelmed. I thought we had moved through that phase already. I feel very alone. And small.
While I am totally gutted for them, I really miss that I have lost a twitter partner in crime in training, someone who works as hard as I do to motivate themselves into the pool onto the bike. None of this rah rah smash it 24.7 just a real person also trying desperately hard to be a real triathlete. It makes me a kind of awful person that in some one else's misfortune I can think of myself.
Jon did marvellously at his ultra despite having low training in the last three weeks. I could never imagine doing lighter training than intended and finishing such a big endurance event where a lot of people DNF or DNS and come 18th! He is amazing. I am very proud. But also daunted. You know, someone who is that strong naturally isn't going to understand why you hyperventilate when you miss 3 training sessions in a row. Again, it makes me a kind of awful person that in someone else's glory I can think of myself.
So continuing the theme of my self obsession, this morning I am dog tired - no bed till after 11pm when I should have got myself at least 8 hours sleep. I am very sore; I fell down the stairs after my ride and run yesterday compounding back pain to create a pull muscle, hence ibuprofen high. I am not able to focus well at work but I am able to focus acutely on:
- not having the kit I want to race in
- not having my fuel plan
- having to think of a way to record my online training plan so I can focus on what I have achieved and save it for posterity
- wondering if I have booked post race accommodation.
- Spending time reviewing all the to do lists to see what I have forgotten
- fundraising plans
- making spectator plans
- getting into contact with mum - my support and benefactor
- and a million other things that make the plan come together.
Anyway I think the microwave is free now. I might go stick my head in it.
I hate that we can't compare training horrors any more, but 'til I'm back I am avidly following your tweets and being not-so-secretly jealous of even your horrible training sessions.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. Focus on the essential things, let the smaller bits drop by the wayside. Spectators can sort themselves out, you can worry about saving the training plan afterwards, the fundraising will keep rolling in. Remember, you have trained and trained, and you've cycled the course and swum the sea, and you've got this in the bag.
Ro, you're such an inspiration, you've no idea. You're dealing with a relatively new home, a job, children, a partner as dedicated to his sport as you are to yours - and you still pick yourself up and train. You're wonder woman. When I could train, knowing that you were managing helped me manage. If something happened to prevent you doing this race (it won't!) you'd still be wonder woman to me. x
PS thinking of yourself doesn't make you an awful person - losing the feeling of support is a huge thing. Don't kick yourself; and remember I'm still here and I'll be back xx